The Race to Be Thin
I just read this thought provoking article by Joni Edelman:
Being Thin Didn’t Make Me Happy, But Being ‘Fat’ Does
It’s strange…before I got pregnant, I was apparently very tiny. The thing is, I didn’t know it. Despite the fact that all of my clothes were a size small, I still saw myself as chubby because I could always find women who were thinner than I was. It was a never ending race. Satisfaction with my body and self-confidence eluded me.
I should give some back story:
I have struggled with my weight my entire life. Ten years ago, I joined Weight Watchers, and I lost 50 pounds over the course of a year. For the first time ever, I was truly thin, and it was weird. Strangers started looking me in the eye. Men flirted with me. Thin girls were kinder to me. Heavy girls were suddenly cold to me.
I managed to mostly keep my weight off for the next nine years. But then I got pregnant…and lost the baby…and got pregnant…and lost the baby…and got pregnant…and lost the baby…and got pregnant again. Physically and emotionally, I went through the wringer.
Now I have an infant daughter, and everyone says to be patient, that the weight will come off with time.
Reading this article was eye-opening, though. I had to ask myself why I am so unhappy with my body in its current state. Sadly, it’s not about fitness. I am strong — everywhere I go, I haul a huge diaper bag and a car seat and a baby who insists on being held in my arms.
If I am honest, it’s totally about appearance. But it’s not even that I don’t like the way I look. It’s that I think other people don’t like the way I look.
UGH. Why do I care? Why does that bother me so much?
Obviously other people’s opinions are a terrible motivator, and that explains why my resolve to exercise has totally disappeared.
So now, with this new awareness, I am going to try to do things differently. I am going to make healthy choices because they make me happy, not because I want to please others.
When I eat healthfully, I will do it because I like how nutritious foods make me feel.
When I eat junk food, I will also do it because I like how it makes me feel.
When I work out, I will do it because I enjoy challenging myself and increasing my strength.
When I sit on my rear, I will do it because I enjoy relaxing.
I am going to stop judging my body against the opinions of others and Victoria’s Secret models and instead measure it by my quality of life.
Thanks for opening my eyes, Joni.
Photo Credit: Thomas Kelley, https://unsplash.com/@thkelley